BigGirlsDoTri

Thanks to all who support our efforts toward a cure!

2011-08-22T09:38:00.000-04:00

Time to Get Real

2011-07-18T15:16:00.003-04:00

It's time to get real. As I stated in my last blog it does not help to beat yourself up for the past, but what I am realizing today is the importance of not being afraid to look at the full truth in order to move ahead.

I am facing the harsh reality of my neglect of consistent healthy living. A few years ago, I looked at my obesity as more of a social situation for me than a health one. Although I knew on the charts my BMI was extremely dangerous, my labs had always been good, I did a lot more exercise than most people I knew and enjoyed extremely good health for most people my age, and definitely for someone of my size.

I always felt I needed to change to feel good about myself, but felt as long as I stayed active that the other symptoms that catch up to many people with my weight and sporadic eating habits weren't going to affect me as much. I mention this because I hope that if someone needs to read this that they will realize how quickly things can pile up. I don't say this to create fear but more so as placing out an option to think about, being: Don't wait! Do what you can while you have your full health.

Now I am not trying to alarm. I have not had a heart attack or anything like that, but I do have a number of conditions that complicate the mission. Over two years I have developed Type II diabetes, elevated cholesterol, fatty liver(which could also be result of former lifestyle issues). Over the past few months I have developed a treatment resistant kidney stone in one kidney & a benign tumor in the other kidney. I've also found that there were pre-cancerous conditions in my uterus which I am being treated for, and thankfully all will be well with the proactive care.

This is not meant to be a "poor me" blog, as I said, all of these conditions should be able to be tackled or eased with the proper lifestyle and care. It is just more complicated than it may have been a few years back. Every medicine has the possibilty of side effects, and many have reactions with one another. You may take one to control blood sugar, and another to prevent cancer, but it raises blood sugar. You make changes toy your diet, but are on a medication that also can cause you to gain weight. You may take a medication to protect a kidney, but that may affect your liver. You get the point I am sure. The one common bond between each of my conditions is that they can either be caused by the excess weight(even endometrial cancer, which surprised me until I read the chemistry of how it can be caused and spread.), or exacerbated by it. In addition the weight and diabetes often need to be considered when looking at surgical and other options due to the risk of infection and many other possibilities.

I don't enjoy giving energy to these details. I realize that with work,healing, good food choices, and prayers I can hopefully reverse most of these conditions, and any that aren't practical for me to do so, I believe that Spirit can help, as long as I do my part. That is my suggestion right now, is to do our part when it is easier rather than wait until it's more complicated. I understand that weight is often a mask for underlying issues, so in that sense, it may never feel easy to deal with it, but why complicate things further for us? I am sending the prayer and intention out there for all who are struggling with weight, food or inactivity issues that you receive the support and guidance from every guiding force in your life and soul that you may find greater health with ease and joy.

I am grateful for my wake up call. Granted the phone has been ringing for a long time, but I am finally answering. Today is the first day of....

Just thinking....

2011-07-12T08:49:00.002-04:00

Well I’ve been back from Virginia for a few months now, grateful for the time spent there and the knowledge I received. Honestly though, I still have lessons to learn, most especially about remembering to apply wisdom found.

It is so easy to fall back into old patterns and habits. I saw it almost instantly upon arrival home. It is also very easy to beat yourself up about it, and be swallowed by guilt. Neither of these are options that will assist in creating positive change. The only thing I can do is observe the patterns, forgive myself and make better choices today.

I was listening to some old Wayne Dyer cd’s yesterday, titled “How to be a no limits person”. At the end he asked a few questions for people to ponder, such as:

What would you do if you had only 6 months to live?

Who would you choose to live with if you had no history with the people currently in your lives? In other words, look objectively at the people around you and see who you would prefer to have in your life.

I thought about the answers to those questions in my life, and encourage you to do the same. I actually found the two to be very much intertwined as often when we look at making a big change it affects those we love.

With the answer to the first question, why not try now at least some of those things? None of us are ever guaranteed six months. I don’t say that to put out negative energy, but because there is truth in that. Now some may say that they can’t do those things because of practicality and responsibility. Others may find, that they can make the choice to take a risk and live and discover that joy now.

With those who feel they absolutely cannot do what they feel they would want to if they only had six months, I wonder about this perspective. Do you feel trapped in your current life, roles and responsibilities, or is it that your feeling of responsibility comes from a place of compassion and caring due to a deep love of those around you. If it is the first and you are where you are at solely because you feel you “should be” o you just landed there and never made a move, I encourage you to find ways to make some time for yourself, even if it’s a few minutes a day, to breathe and feel and allow yourself to explore what would truly make you happy. We all have choice, and it may mean that we sometimes sacrifice the material, for joy in the day to day, though I do believe that there are ways people can have both when they are willing to put the energy into it(this is something I continue to work at myself).

For those who felt they stay in the role they are out of love and care for those they feel a sense of responsibility for, I still suggest that you take the time to look at your own needs and true heart’s desires, and be sure those are being met in some way. We are after all responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness based on the choices of both our actions and perspective. If you find that you stay in this place because contributing to the joy and care of those around you brings you true satisfaction and joy then it sounds like you are in the right place, and in those moments when things feel a little overwhelming or you think you’d rather be somewhere else, you can remind yourself that you are there out of love, not just the love of another, but the love of yourself, because you are truly making the choice based on what makes you feel good overall. Being there in that place of support actually makes you happier, than if you were not. The ideal is when you have that beautiful balance of both giving and receiving love and support.

When I thought about the second question regarding choosing those you would like to love with, and be close to, really choosing your own family, it was definitely interesting for me. I feel the goal in the exercise was seemingly to look at who is in your life, who are those that bring something to your life, maybe who are those that may bring out a more negative aspect etc and decide what you really want in your life. What/who makes you feel good? The truth is we all have the opportunity to choose every day what we do with our lives, and who we have in our lives. We can bring those who bring us joy closer, and we can choose to focus on those people. If there are people who seemingly bring only heartbreak, it is our choice to distance ourselves, or to choose different reactions to those people. We do not have to stay engaged in negativity. If we do, it is our choice, not something that is put upon us. Granted that is not always an easy concept to accept if you feel it is being thrown at you, but there certainly is freedom in knowing we always have choice.

The joy in this exercise for me though, truly was in looking at those around me and realizing that I really would not make an changes in those I have surrounding and within my inner circle. There are times in my life when it was necessary, but I really feel I have been blessed to have been taught many of these lessons through my study of Spiritualism, and though I often have to re-educate myself, I have learned to truly value those who love and care about me, and draw them closer, and those who treat me otherwise I will respect and send love to and share space with, but I try not to get caught up in any webs of bad feelings and allow them their relationships, and concentrate on mine. But truly I am overflowing with the love of friends and family and I find when you do put your energy into love rather than anything else, that it grows exponentially.

Though I am constantly learning, and re-learning, I will share with you that which I need to share with myself. A reminder: Take the time to figure out what you want and what makes you happy. If you don’t know, you can’t strive for it, and may not recognize when you have it, but also don’t forget to open your eyes to what is here now and appreciate that. Ask yourself, do you feel love? And don’t create a box as to what or who that love should be, but allow yourself be surprised at the beautiful ways you will attract it in so many forms, and always love the beautiful being you have been created to be. You were born of love and can be nothing else. Send love to all, but draw those you love and who love you closer. Be love.

Life & Beauty

2011-04-01T08:37:00.004-04:00

It has been awhile since my last post. The crazy communication issues have run somewhere between disturbing and comical, depending upon the day and my mood. Thankfully, my computer is fixed and healthy now by way of interesting circumstance, a story for another day.

These past few weeks I have had the opportunity to continue classes at the A.R.E. and meet some really wonderful people. The highlight was sitting in a small group of people talking about their experience with life with working with the Cayce material, including June, a 90 year old woman (you would never know it by her youthful face, attitude and schedule). June moved from Michigan to Virginia Beach at the age of twenty three with her husband Harmon and worked with and befriended Edgar Cayce in the last nine months of his life. She shared stories and memories I will never forget both of readings she witnessed and walks with Mr. Cayce where he would share a bit of what it was like to see through his eyes. After sixty seven years her eyes still lit up while telling these stories. You could feel the love and dedication to this friendship, and to the continuation of the work. It was truly an honor and joy to sit in her presence. It also reminded me of the importance of cherishing the people in our lives, all are teachers. It also made me think of the abundance of beautiful people in my life, and the truly wondrous experiences I've had with them. I want to always remember and honor them and hopefully someday inspire through sharing my gratitude with others, as June did with us.

This past week was very interesting. My classes really did turn into a theme and journey of their own. It started with a Feng Shui class and being reminded of the desire of a free flow of energy, keeping things uncluttered, and the remembrance that surrounding ourselves in only that which we see as beautiful can truly lift the vibration around us, and within us. The next class, a bit of a swing of the pendulum was the lost years of Jesus, discussing the time between the temple and his return as the great teacher and healer prior to the Passion and Resurrection. We learned of three different perspectives from the point of view of the Cayce readings, the Aquarian Bible, and the Life of St. Issa. Though each perspective had differences, their were overlaps from which you could not help but feel truth shining through. That is one of the things that I love about this trip. I have had the time to look at many sources and subjects of interest, and when you see some of the same themes come through again and again, you can't help but to feel more validation in regards to our true Oneness.

Monday provided another delight as I was able to attend an art history class, facilitated by Diana who works and volunteers at the A.R.E. The readings are so vast that it can sometimes be overwhelming to decide where to start in your study of them. One way Diana chooses to do so is through her love of art. The Cayce readings brought up a number of times the importance of the arts. Diana put together a wonderful presentation of pieces from Van Gogh to ancient Egyptian art and correlated each piece to a Cayce reading. The works, along with her passionate yet meditative voice created a truly magical experience.

The next morning I woke early, and not being able to fall back to sleep, decided to get up and walk. I wasn't feeling very well, but I have been trying to avoid taking unnecessary medication. I have been following a regimen from an Andrew Jackson Davis book I have been reading, suggesting a walk before the sunrise, going home drinking warm water, going back to bed for an hour, the rising and having a light breakfast to aid in digestion and overall wellness. I have found this to work over and over in my time here, and felt it appropriate this morning. It was a beautiful sunrise during this brisk but invigorating morning walk. I was grateful to experience it. Then about halfway through I had an upsetting run in with someone. I began to let it ruin my day. I felt sick again, and angry that I couldn't seem to find a way to let it go. It wasn't a major deal, but it seemed to activate memories that overloaded everything else. I found myself unable to stop the tears from flowing. When I got back to the hotel I sat on the porch, allowing the sun to wash over me. The warmth felt peaceful, and the light protective. It reminded me of the title of the John Edward book: "What if God were the Sun?". I found comfort in that thought at the time, and even closer to God. It was a very healing moment for me, allowing time and light to heal my lapse from peace. I went in feeling able to rest once again.

Upon waking, I allowed some of the unsettled feelings to flow back in and fester. I knew this wasn't helpful. I remembered the readings we had studied and the idea of how being surrounded by beauty or doing something creative raises your vibration and brings you closer to our true spiritual selves. I decided to go to the art museum in Norfolk, which I had heard had an amazing collection. I arrived at the Chrysler Museum, happy to find the perfect parking spot. The tree in the side yard was majestic and strong and the statue out front poignant in regards to how I was feeling. I knew I was in the right place. I approached the front door, and found they were closed on Tuesdays. I felt a bit defeated until a poster caught my eyes. I walked more closely and saw it was promoting a temporary exhibit that had just opened: "The Life of Christ" by James Tissot. The painting was Christ at the top of a staircase on a mountain surrounded by the night sky, illuminated by stars. I felt comfort once again, and on Wednesday returned for the exhibit

The exhibit was truly breathtaking. The dedication of the artist to this project, along with the story of the rededication of his life through this work was so inspiring. The artist didn't agree with the fashion of the time depicting the holy with external halos, yet you could absolutely see the brightness he used to depict a light coming from within Jesus, which reminded me over and over again of the light, and the Spirit, the God within all of us.

I reflected upon the pattern of events that unfolded this past week. The wonderful new information I received in my classes made my experience at the museum so much richer than had I not taken them before I went. It also made me realize that had I not been through that unpleasantness the other morning that brought me to the museum, I would not have witnessed the pure perfection of it all.

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Speaking of perfection-THANK YOU to all my friends who have been listening to me, and supporting me in so many ways that I will never be able to thank you enough. I love you guys!

Harmony

2011-03-07T01:01:00.004-05:00

Feeling very grateful this evening reflecting upon this current adventure of renewal that I am blessed to be on at the moment. The true beauty of it is the realization of the community that I have to share it with. I spoke with a friend tonight about the gratitude and excitement we have for our church and religion, and thought it was wonderful that we were experiencing the same sentiment sitting in different states and different churches.

Today I took a class on Universal Law at the A.R.E. It was really interesting listening to so many different perspectives from people from so many different backgrounds, religions, philosophical beliefs and levels of spiritual exploration/introspection. It reminded me of the years of classes I’ve taken in Swampscott both formally and through conversations with friends, members, and visitors. As I sat in the local spiritualist church this evening and observed a wonderful demonstration of evidential spirit communication and inspirational speaking, universal law was brought up again. I marveled at the symmetry of the messages of the day, but even moreso by the fact that I was blessed to find such a community almost six years ago now that helped me begin to apply the laws of oneness, karma , attraction, and grace to create a calmer, more peaceful, joyous, love filled life for myself. I am also grateful that those same people have stuck by me in the times that I have forgotten my spiritual self and succumbed to the material me. Though I wish that I could keep that more permanent connection to my soul self, I have to admit that each time, I need to start over and get back to basics I have an even richer experience, whether it be the actual experience I am having at the time, or by the remembrance of the start of my journey into spiritualism.

Anytime you take another step on your spiritual path is the right time, whether it be through a formal spiritual or religious path or a general recognition of being a spiritual being living this physical experience. I have met people at the A.R.E. from the ages of 16 to 90. The awesome thing is that no matter what age you start the big questions are usually the same. The answers are often different, at least at the beginning. Today we spoke a lot about karma. We were talking about the idea of karma created on Earth needing to be dealt with on Earth, but not in the form of an Eye for an Eye, but through forgiveness and letting go. We talked about the difficulty both in the minor day to day things, but especially on the higher level of the atrocities that we see far too often. Some things seem too horrible to forgive. We discussed the concept of loving indifference, and how forgiveness is not the same as condoning action. If we choose to hold onto hate we only end up hurting ourselves and others.

By practicing loving indifference and letting go, the focus returns on higher vibrational ideals such as love, reducing the need to continue the karmic cycles here on the earthplane, unless by choice. We also spoke of the idea that clearing karma is not necessarily about escaping the earthplane, but actually of spiritualizing the Earth making the veil between the two worlds even thinner, or obsolete, so that we can realize the ability of constant connection to spirit, and that we truly are spirit. I can’t do what I am learning, and being reminded of, justice through a few paragraphs. I guess what I really want to say is that people come from all over the world to the A.R.E. to gather with like-minded individuals who are questioning, seeking, and sharing. It, along with the Memorial Spiritualist Church are the two places here that are like home away from home for me here. They are places that feel safe and not foreign. I am so grateful they are here, so that I can learn more, but also because they remind me of the goldmine I have at home in my family, friends, and church. I don’t need to travel across the world to find a few people that can understand where I am coming from. I have it every day.

I love the fact that the morning church service here ends at the same time as the Swampscott Church, and that although the rest of the songs we sing at service are different, that the closing song is the same, and that benediction is at the same time. The thought that we are singing in unison(ok, well if you have been to either church, maybe you know that it may not be truly in unison…LOL), and that we are praying at the same time, makes me believe that we truly are connecting at that time and that separation really is just illusion.

Week 3 Overview

Classes: Angels, Lore and Legends, Universal Law
Movies: Adjustment Bureau: Nice love story, thought provoking, but with holes. Enjoyed it though!
Weight/health: 5 more pounds for a total of 13.5. Experimenting with new foods/exercise program. Blood sugars continue to improve.
New affirmation: "I am an invulnerable child of God." Try it if it resonates. The feeling is unbelievable.
Highlights of week:Great conversations and emails with friends from home, phenomenal! Thanks guys! Love you!

A Labyrinth is Not a Maze

2011-03-02T06:25:00.004-05:00

A Labyrinth is Not a Maze

Anyone who has been on a Labyrinth adventure with me, is probably laughing because somehow anytime I’ve walked a labyrinth, I’ve always gotten off track. A labyrinth has a definite path that can be followed, and they are often helpful for meditation, focus, and contemplation. Anytime I attempted one though, either through distraction, or stepping off the path to let someone else walk by, I found myself crossing an area I already went through before reaching the center, realizing that somewhere along the line, I had seemingly made a mistake. I’ve thought about this a lot since my last update.

After writing my blog last week that I labeled “Chaos and Harmony”, I found it interesting that “chaos” was one of the key topics in a class I took that afternoon at the A.R.E. The title of the class was “Mind is the Builder”. This came from some of the recurring themes in the Cayce readings, being “Spirit is the life. Mind is the builder. Physical is the result.” We discussed the law of attraction, and manifesting, along with the mind, body, spirit connection on both physical and esoteric levels. A large part of the conversation though was about how chaos actually gives us the opportunity to elevate our stress threshold and grow spiritually. Though I don’t advocate seeking out or attracting drama in order to grow, it did make me reflect upon my experience upon arrival in Virginia. Before I left home, people would ask me about my goals for while I was away and what I wanted to accomplish before coming home, and I kept saying that I wanted to come back stronger. Now I felt in saying it, that I wanted to come back physically healthier and stronger, but I think the deeper part of me must have meant it on a much broader level. As my family and friends know, I don’t have much of an issue arguing with those I am really close to and love and trust the most(lucky them L ), but I have often held back from confrontation in most other areas, even when it meant not sticking up for myself, or even really putting myself down. The situations that occurred upon my arrival gave me the opportunity to speak up for myself, as I was the only one that was going to do it. Often times in the past, others would step in on my behalf, feeling I would shy away from defending myself or advocating for myself. Here it was only me. It wasn’t necessarily comfortable, but it was a step towards growth. Although I can still review and see that I could maybe have chosen some words differently to handle situations, the feeling was still better than had I let myself be taken advantage of, and I have tools to help me be able to respond to future situations in a more capable way. In effect, the universe had answered my request to move forward, whether I realized I had dialed or not. That is the perfection.

Coming back to the labyrinth, my recent opportunity for observation has allowed me to contemplate my path of life has corresponded with my labyrinth experiences. I often have many interests, and also sometimes get caught up in other’s interests. Sometimes I step off my set road to seek something else that intrigues me in the distance, sometimes I step back for someone else whether it be for selfless reasons or admittedly many times-selfish indulgence, sometimes fear, sometimes excitement. In the end though I have always found a way through the labyrinth, either by getting back on the path and completing it, skipping out, or starting over.

There is a labyrinth at the Cayce Center, and my first few attempts were cut short as I wandered off the path, or moved over for someone crossing, and found myself on an alternate route. I found this frustrating because I just wanted to finish, for once without having to start over, or giving up.

In class we also spoke about programs that we have running in our lives, either from past life experiences that our souls have carried over, or programs/beliefs that are taught to us as children, or that we create through previous consequences of our actions or inactions. We also spoke about how we have a choice to reprogram our thoughts and beliefs, and to let go of that which no longer serves our overall growth. I thought about how quite literally my first remembrances of labyrinths were from movies and stories where the labyrinths were actually mazes, often with frightening obstacles and tricks along the way, trying to distract those who were journeying through. When I next went to walk the labyrinth at the A.R.E. I reminded myself of the reality of the clarity of the path, that I only had to take one step at a time and I would make it through. I did not have to run the same program that had been previously running. I also reminded myself of the beauty, and of all that I had learned the many times I did stray from the path in life, and that there need be no guilt if I had to take a few extra steps, or start over. I took a breath, stepped in, and minutes later found myself in the center of the labyrinth with the beautifully painted dolphins forming the shape of the Yin Yang symbol, all excited I made it through.

On the way out, a couple had entered the path. It is close quarters, so you do need to step aside for one another, and often find yourself walking right next to one another as the paths wind side by side. I started to feel the nervousness build up. Being my size, I often feel in the way. It is common courtesy to step aside for people, but as often happened in the past, instead of stepping aside, I would walk away. I stepped aside to allow the couple to go by when we were crossing exact paths, but as we wound around side by side, though sometimes the closeness felt a little awkward, I was reminded that I chose that path, and somewhere along the line they chose to be along side me for that small part of our journey, and it was safe and ok for all of us to have that experience together. Minutes later, I successfully exited the labyrinth, took a grateful breath and took the next step on the larger path.

Yes, it probably sounds like I have a little too much time to spend in my head J. But in truth, it has been helpful to realize that times spent experimenting whether it be in hobbies, school, jobs, diet, philosophy, religion, lifestyles, hair colors ;) are not lost, they are experiences to learn from, and when you find what works, what fulfills you and brings you peace and joy and strength, it is also ok to allow yourself, encourage yourself even, to spend some extra time on that path. That is where I am at now: Grateful for the time to explore, grateful for the family of both family and friends, teachers, and Spirit who back me up, inspire me, lift me or ground me. Thanks for being beside me through the peace of the labyrinth, the questioning of the maze, and the placidness of those exquisite moments when we recognize the spirit in each other.

Week 2 Overiview

Feeling more comfortable.

Continuing daily meditation, though finding it sometimes takes longer to get to alpha than before.

Classes: Always Young, Reincarnation Unnecessary?, Meditation

Movies: The Fighter, both heartbreaking at times and truly inspiring, Unknown-Keeps your interest, Gnomeo & Juliet-sweet and fun, Big Momma- laughs, but enjoyed the musical aspect of it more, Hall Pass- Some crazy laughing out loud-though mostly bathroom humor, mixed with serious issues.

Books: Started Harbinger of Health by Andrew Jackson Davis. I am fascinated by the amount of information on all aspects of health and natural laws. I find it really interesting that it took me coming here to get this excited about one of the founders of modern Spiritualism. Extremely grateful to have found this book and window into this aspect of his work.

Delving deeper into the Cayce readings, comparing health info with that which came through AJD.

Enjoying Memorial Spiritualist Church.

Weight/Health: Down 6 more pounds. Continued Western Yoga, but have not ventured into Eastern yet, started weight training, continued daily cardio, working with Alkaline diet, blood sugars improving exponentially. Climbed Mt. Trashmore.

Chaos & Harmony..Week 1 Ramblings

2011-02-20T13:48:00.007-05:00

Well, sometimes if things aren't changing where you are you need to make a leap to a new venue, and that's what I've done. I've moved down to the Virginia Beach area for a milder climate in hopes to spend more time outdoors being active, and finally kick this weight issue. Though this was originally a tri blog, and I hope for it to get back there, right now it is a mish mash of what I need to do to integrate body, mind and spirit to prepare myself to be in the physical place to reach all that my spirit wants to experience.......

Arrival:

After a winter of over 7 feet of snow at home, I knew it would still be chilly in Virginia, but did not expect a snow storm the evening I arrived, and the five days of ice that followed. Neither did I foresee my debit card declining for fraud prevention after 14 hours on the road, the scary bug in my room, the sketchy neighbors, nor my last paycheck not arriving. I truly felt I had planned everything out perfectly for once. The best laid plans....

I started thinking about how people say: "It's the journey, not the destination...", or how "the universe conspires to help you achieve your dreams" and wondered what it was that I was supposed to learn, and why the universe seemed to be putting obstacles in front of me, instead of assisting me on a journey that I felt was worthwhile.

The blessing was I realized once again, what amazing friends I have. Friends who listened to me and helped me gain perspective suggesting that overcoming the roadblocks would make achieving my goals even sweeter, and help keep me determined as I get closer to my goals. Would I really want to give up after having pushed through so much?

I also had to be reminded of the law of attraction and how the more I focused on the little annoyances, the more I would attract events that bring on those same uncomfortable feelings. Though not completely successfully, I've tried to look more and more at the beauty of the positive experiences I have had since I've been here.

Finding Home:

I found a haven here in the Association for Research and Enlightment, often referred to as the Edgar Cayce Center. Each day, regardless of the speed bumps I encountered, I have a place I can go where I am guaranteed to find some peace. I know we can look within and at certain times in life I could reach that love and harmony within so quickly, but sometimes we need some assistance, and I've found that help, and the reminders I need here.

The A.R.E. is a wonderful place bridging spirituality, science, health, and so much more. In addition to wonderful conferences that are held so often, there is something you can do every day of the week. Seven days a week there are daily meditation, and at least five days a week there are lectures, tours, and movies offered for free or a donation basis. Being able to have a place where I could learn, and be around like-minded people any day that I want to, has been a huge help. It made me realize the importance of having places like this available everywhere.

At home, I have a place like the A.R.E. in my church. Years ago after struggling with a loss, and coming out of substance abuse, I found spiritualism, and my spiritual home in my church in Swampscott. There I found peace, and family, and really learned to find the joy inside of myself. It was a magical time. I could not spend enough time there. I took classes, went to services and fundraisers, and got involved in anyway I could. I was welcomed with open arms, which allowed me to open up my heart in so many areas of life and helped me to have the confidence to move forward in many different areas of life. I think I started to take that for granted over the years, knowing it was always there. Now that I am apart, I know I am still connected with my many friends there, but it is interesting how you can yearn for a place. I have also realized how much I don't want to take it for granted in the future. Having left and been in need in a new place, I realize what a difference a spiritual sanctuary can make in someone's life, and how important it is to have people committed to taking care of such a place, providing support, strength and love to keep it going.

Week 1 Overview

Getting my body moving (Pain in places you forgot you have)
Bitching and Moaning(Thanks friends and family for hanging in there with me)
Meditation, Meditation, Meditation(Feeling the love!)
Classes: Spiritual Symbolism in Ancienct Egyption Art, Meditation, Psychic Experience, Western Yoga for Everyone
Movies: What the Bleep-Down the Rabbit Hole, Abraham: The Secret Behind the Secret, a really inspiring animated film that mirrored my experience, that for some reason's name escapes me, also the movie with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, that was funny, and showed what a great comic actress Natalie can be!
Books:Drugless Therapy, There was a River.
7 1/2 hour job interview. Still waiting to here, but WOW do these people invest in the process.
Found a great rental 2 houses from beach for after hotel stay is up.
Weight/Health: Down a size in jeans, but only lost 2.5 pounds.

Week 2 goals:
Yoga at least 4 times.
Daily cardio and begin weight training.
More experimentation with Cayce Diet
Finish book.
Take 3+classes.

Be well all. Will check in next week.

Love,
April

Please support Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

2009-02-20T00:05:00.007-05:00

In the fall of 2008 my Dad, Frank, began having difficulty eating and digesting, and back pain. After two months he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Being told that there was no cure at that time, and that only palliative care could be offered could have sent anyone to close themselves into a darkroom somewhere, but my Dad did not do that. He asked what could be done, and he also did everything he could to prepare so that his family would be taken care of in the event that things happened more quickly than expected. Six weeks after diagnosis my father passed away, or moved forward as I like to see it.

Just as my father moved forward to do what needed to be done after his diagnosis, I would like to take action myself in a small way by helping the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network move forward with their mission to raise funds for research, and provide help, hope and support to patients and families touched by Pancreatic Cancer. My dream is to see the day when a family is told the options they have that will cure this disease.

Donating through the following site is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to make a contribution to my fundraising efforts.

http://firstgiving.com/frankcodair

Many thanks for your amazing support of our Dad and family. Please also feel free to forward this to anyone else who may be interested in supporting our efforts.

With love & gratitude,
April Codair

To see PANCAN's charity report, feel free to visit:
http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=7608

Etheric Beauty

2008-12-01T17:49:00.003-05:00

*The image above is from http://thomasaphilbrook.com/ . His work can also be found at the Michael Stoffa gallery in Rockport, MA. I was introduced to his work today at the gallery and it brightened my day even more. He uses local photographs, combined with his graphic design skills to create these wonder-filled works of art.*

Today we were blessed with a beautiful surprise of a day. After a cold and damp week, today was sunny and 61 degrees. Wow! I had to get out to wog (wogging: walking with such a spring in your step that it is almost a jog...but not quite). I went up to Rockport, MA. It felt truly magical. The town Christmas Tree was being carefully placed at the entrance to Bearskin Neck. Storekeepers & gallery owners were working on holiday decorations and window displays. Fellow walkers and shoppers had smiles on their faces, and even this early in the season, were already greeting each other with Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or just "What a great day!". Everyone felt the energy of the season and was truly living in the magic of the moment.

I live south of Rockport and it looked like a summer day in my city, blue skies and only a few puffy clouds. Once you crossed the bridge to get into the Gloucester/Rockport area though, the towns were hidden in the fog. What amazed me though was that it made it even more beautiful. The light was trying so hard to shine through, and different colors reflected around the water, on the boats, the ocean and clouds. Purples, pinks, and golds shimmered around the harbor. I found it funny that the unseasonable warmth of the day, invigorated the true spirit of the season into the townspeople.

I am so grateful to have experienced this gift of a day. I hope you have a heart filled day too.

All Talk No Action-No More

2008-11-18T23:52:00.000-05:00

I'm Coming Out!

2007-07-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

For the longest time I have wanted to say "By this time next year I'll be an Ironman." I really felt that I could lose the majority of my weight and train for and complete an Ironman in under a year. I believed it, but felt I couldn't tell anyone because it would sound crazy. In the meantime, I have not actually done much of anything. With the thought process that the smart or conventional thought would be to lose the weight, or atleast have some extensive training behind me, I have really stalled. Patience is not my thing & if I don't see the quick pay off, I lose my motivation. These may not be the best things to admit, but it is my truth. So, when looking for some Iron Inspiration this week, I found the story of Adam Tice : http://www.ironmanlive.com/columns/ironmanlife/kevin-mackinnon-catches-up-with-first-time-ironman-competitor-adam-tice .

Adam began training for a November Ironman in January of the same year, with a goal of losing 140.6 pounds along the way. Check out the link above to read Adam's pre-race interview. I also researched and found that YES Adam did reach his weightloss goal, and YES he did finish Ironman Florida 2006 under the cut off time. Thank you Adam! You are my precedent. You are my example. I don't want to have to hide my dream, or sneak around to train. When I talk about my upcoming adventure and someone says "Get real. That's impossible." I can show them your story Adam.

So, the goal:

I'll steal Adam's to start: 140.6 pounds in 10 months.

This will bring me to May 2008, just in time for Ironman Brasil on May 25, 2008 in Florianopolis.

I've been told that Ironman Brasil, is a beautiful, spectator friendly course, and a great choice for a first time Ironman. This Ironman also always falls on my birthday week, and best of all I have a really amazing friend, Jorge, in Brazil and this is the perfect opportunity to visit, and have awesome support.

Well my friends, that's all for now. I know I've fallen off the food/workout wagon off and on this year & I thank my friends for sticking with me. Get back on the wagon with me though, and wear your seatbelts, as this vehicle has no intention of stopping again anytime soon.

Blessed to Be another day

2007-06-14T23:47:00.000-04:00

Jeremiel says All is Well
I believe
But can not feel
Drowning in silence
I can not breathe

The water will dull the pain
The laughter will soften my heart
The sun will weld my Spirit whole

The new moon Sandalphon brings gifts
Blessings
My soul sighs with gratitude
Love again prevails

Legs, abs & arms today.

Time to get off the Ferris Wheel

2007-06-13T14:02:00.001-04:00

I sit at my desk and want to scream
I want to be out walking
I want to walk until I am me

I don’t want to live this resistance
I know I could just leave and walk until it was time to come home
But fear comes in
What would my family think?
Would I hurt them because they could not understand?
I worry that by the time it would make sense to them, it would be too late

What is right?

For now I sit in the light and walk in the dark
Hoping it won’t take too long

It can’t. Right?

Divine timing

Back to the pool last night. Swam laps for 90 minutes.
First race July 14th ~ Amesbury MA

The Only Way to Travel is Through

2007-06-12T14:04:00.000-04:00

It has been five days since I deposited my heart into a box downtown

I did so knowing that it may not be returned, but admittedly hoping that a small friendly piece might be shared

I had to let it go
To send it forward

I know that the love will grow again
It can’t help it
That is what we are made of

I see the evidence of love everywhere
Spirit showing me their generous heart almost hourly
Surprises of sunflowers
Talking with the light

Thank you Thank you
I see and feel the sadness deep
But also the peace
I am not alone
Surrounded by love
I see you love and feel your peace
I trust the joy will return

I actually believe that my heart was not sent in vain
Regardless it was not
But I believe the love is real
It is only a matter of time

Patience Beloved One

I WILL walk a thousand miles.

It's Been A LONG Time!

2007-02-28T15:25:00.000-05:00

I know it has been quite awhile since my last post. I have been volunteering a lot with my church(which I love) as well as taking a philosophy course and a mediumship lab. I have also been reconnecting with some old friends. Despite being sick for a few weeks, it has actually been a pretty wonderful couple of months. I have been continuing to run the movie nights at my church & have also recently started a Reiki Clinic in Swampscott MA:

http://www.swampscottchurchofspiritualism.com/healing.html

In any case I have to admit that my workouts and nutrition have somewhat fallen by the wayside, I mean almost completely and although my life is happier than ever the lack of physical activity etc is really getting to me. I know if I can just get back into a routine that I will feel so much better and have the energy to do even more. I gained a good amount of energy & motivation this week having caught up on some of my favorite podcasts found at:

http://www.steverunner.com (Great show on Steve Prefontaine)
http://www.intransitduo.com
http://www.zentriathlon.com

I decided to take a step to add some incentive to get myself moving again. I had cancelled my Iceland triathlon because I have had to postpone my trip until next winter. I registered today for my first official triathlon of the year. It is a super short sprint, but a great starter in a beautiful location. I am really excited about training again & I am currently choosing the rest of my races for the 2007 season. I hope to post them soon.

I wish you all the best as we wind down the winter season and get ready to spend more time outside. I feel it will be a spring for the record books. We don't usually get much of a spring in Boston. It seems to go from 20degrees to 90, but I think this year will be different. I expect a beautiful spring.

I will write back soon.

The picture with this post was taken by my friend Bob. It is of the Boston skyline from the Lynn/Swampscott line.

What does success mean to you?

2007-01-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

Find out, when you feel what it is like to create your own.

Unleash your genius - daily tips for a better life!

Prayers & Faith Mark One Year Missing

2007-01-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

My New Shop is Open

2006-11-09T12:34:00.000-05:00

Currently offering fun, loving, peaceful items for baby's and young children. Soon to offer a broader array of products meant to spread light, love, hope and healing.

Please check us out at:

http://www.cafepress.com/spiritoflove

Love & Light,

April

Spirit of Love~Now Open

2006-11-09T01:06:00.000-05:00

http://www.cafepress.com/spiritoflove>Come visit my store on CafePress!

Beware! The Sea Monster from the Blue Lagoon will be returning.

2006-11-01T17:18:00.000-05:00

Just a warning that there will be no need to panic. It won't really be a sea monster, just me and my mud mask :) I am psyched to report that I will be planning to race my Simply Stu World Wide Triathlon II when I take my second trip to Iceland this coming March. The plans are made and my friend Bob and I will be making the trip to Iceland & London the end of March. When I went last year it was perfect. The mountains were snow-capped as I soaked in the hotsprings of the Blue Lagoon, but there was no snow on the ground. I am counting on similar weather so that I will be able to swim in the springs, bike through the wonderful fishing village of Grindavik and then run through the other-worldly lava fields that surround the beautiful Northern Light Inn. If anyone knows of any Icelandic triathletes, please send them this way. I would love to get a small group together if possible.

Have a great week!

http://www.northernlightinn.is/

Do you know?

2006-10-23T08:56:00.000-04:00

What Is The Secret?

Find out!

November 18, 2006
7pm
Swampscott Church of Spiritualism
59 Burrill Street
Swampscott MA

World Wide Half Race Report

2006-10-20T16:01:00.000-04:00

DQF

DQ but not DNF

It may seem a little strange to DQ yourself when you are the only one on the course, but let me explain: My overall time would DQ me for most races, but I did finish. Therefore I give myself a DQF, but it's all good.

Summary

I started at 5:45am and saw a stunning sunrise. Faced some slight adversity which made for a long day(not a tragedy but a strange shooting mystery pain from my ankle up the side of my leg.) I only ran about a 1/4mile and walked the rest(like a turtle). My ankle swelled and I could not wear my running shoes. I ended up doing around 6 of the 13.18 miles in flip flops before changing back to running shoes, but I finished. It was wonderful knowing there was such a great spirit of community out there. Had I not made a commitment to 'run' with you all, I probably would have given up that day. Instead I hobbled along and felt awesome when I finished. Thanks for all the encouragement. It was a gorgeous day on the North Shore of Boston which was a blessing for me considering my time finished approximately 5hours after the start.

I will be putting more details and pictures from the race soon. Life has been pretty busy. I apologize for the delay. My next post will contain the contination of the Butterfly Brotherhood, the elusive Throne Depot and some upcoming race plans.

A special thanks to Cara & Elizabeth from In Transit: Two Triathletes Take on the World. A phemonenal, fun, funny and interesting travel and triathlon podcast. Thanks for the email responses and mention on your show. It made me finally take the time to get in a quick post :) Also, congratulations Cara on your AWESOME Monster Tri performance. Wow!!!!! What a great day!!! Check out their podcast @ www.intransitduo.com .

Everybody have fun this weekend. Find a few minutes for you!

Any fans of the Conversations With God books from Neale Donald Walsch? There are previews this weekend for the new movie about his life and works. Check out www.cwgmovie.com for listings for advanced screenings at local bookstores, healing centers and churches.

Be Well!

Only One More Day.......

2006-10-06T12:56:00.000-04:00

"Run Long & Taper"
......... Steve

www.worldwidehalf.com

Better Days

2006-10-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. I tend to get a bit of the seasonal blues when the summer ends. This year I have vowed not to let it bring me down. The feelings were creeping in, but I've battled back by spending some extra time outside, reading some of the amazing blogs in our community which I will add links to, as I figure out how to do it. As you will find out, I am somewhat technically challenged. I've also read some great informative and entertaining books, especially for newbies.

I am also super-psyched about Team Race Athlete gearing up. I thought I would go nuts with all the emails coming out before they get the forum going, but honestly it has been really cool to read everyone's ideas and hear some stories, and that others are asking the same questions I have in my mind. I think it is really exciting to build this community and want to thank everyone for sharing all that they do. It makes such a difference.

Speaking of sharing, I want to encourage everyone to take a look at www.alswarriorpoet.com and check out the story of Jonathan Blais, the Blazeman. Wow! What an inspiration. His story is amazing and my thoughts, prayers and gratitude go out to him. The site is awesome as well. The music, words and pictures will get you moving. Thanks Team Blazeman. Keep up the good fight and I hope to battle right along with you next year.

I'll write back next week with a race report of the Phedippidations World-Wide Half Marathon, as well as the new yoga class I am attending tomorrow.

Have a superb weekend!

In Light,
April

www.throughth3wall.com for Ironwil's interesting and inspiring outlook & GYGO podcast.
www.intransitduo.com Two triathletes take on the world. Cara & Elizabeth talk triathlon, travel, and make you laugh.
www.danmadsonbooks.com Check out "Swim, Bike, Run, Laugh" a quick, informative, comical read to a great first Ironman journey.
http://www.whenbigboystri.com/ My first triathlon read. I could totally relate....Very entertaining.
http://www.phedippidations.com/ Check out this super podcast and follow the Phedippidations World Wide Half Marathon.
www.simplystu.com Everybody loves Stu, and he actually inspired one of the Phedippidations listeners to start the World Wide Half after his World Wide TRI.
www.raceathlete.com What a stellar resource and team this is and will be!

~Always Look for the Light~

2006-09-13T00:05:00.000-04:00

It is only when darkness falls that we can see the stars align. Keep the faith. Thank you all for your encouragement and wisdom. Also, congratulations to those who braved the elements at Ironman Wisconsin. It was a tough day, but each of you who stepped on that course is Iron Inspiration to me! Thank you!!!!

Awesome Triathlon Podcaster

2006-09-10T01:11:00.000-04:00

If you want to hear or read interesting and inspiring triathlon related interviews & commentary, please visit www.simplystu.com. An entertaining and informative podcast with heart!!!!! What an encouraging spirit. Stu always keeps things, or brings things into wonderful perspective.

A Little Help from Above

2006-09-05T19:36:00.000-04:00

To give you a better idea of who I am as a whole, I will let you know that I do believe that life continues after we leave the Earth. I also have a strong faith in God & belief in angelic help as well. That being said, prior to my triathlon, a good friend of mine was giving me a mediumship reading. He brought through my cousin who was giving me some health and training advice. He also said that he saw angel wings with me when I ran. I wasn't "running" much at the time, but I gratefully took the symbolic message.

During the race their were a few times when my energy felt low and I questioned whether or not I should even be participating in the triathlon. Everytime I had a doubt I would see a butterfly. It would fly right in front of me. I would smile to myself. This wasn't an area full of flowers where I would expect an abundance of butterflies. It was a reminder to me of the "angel wings" & the help I had along the way if only I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

I have had to remind myself of that the past couple of weeks. I was all psyched to start the run training. I researched and bought my shoes. Found a run/walk plan that seemed set for me and started out. I tried to heed the advice to run properly, landing on your heel and rolling up. My shins didn't seem to agree with this method. I tried on pavement as well as the treadmill. Both were pretty painful. If I run on the balls of my feet I seem to do better, but I am concerned about starting out wrong and risking injury in the future. I have gone back to walking for now. The good thing about this, is that it has pushed me to contact a coach. She is currently finishing her racing season, but I hope to hook up with her for some off season training by the end of the month. In the meantime I have been guided to some really beautiful nature walks & open water swims. I may not be moving as quickly as expected, but I am still going forward.

Be well. Have fun!

Day Two-Beginning the Run

2006-08-19T23:52:00.000-04:00

After receiving some inspiration from listening to some great podcasts on triathlonradio.com & steverunner.com, I am really feeling the energy to begin to train to run. Up until this point, the run portion of my triathlon has consisted of walking or strolling, whatever it would take just to bring me to the finish line. At my size I was concerned about running, worried about blowing out my knees, or having trouble with my lungs etc etc...These are valid concerns, however after completing my first tri last week with no ill effects other than a little soreness the following day, I have decided to step up my training. I'll take it slow. I actually am using tips from the archives of triathlonradio to start a ten week run/walk program to gradually work up to running 30 minutes continuously. I'll let you know how it goes.

Today I had a bit of a different training regimen. I babysat for my two little cousins. They are a lot of fun and definitely helped me to crosstrain.

Workout for today:

Warm up~ Basketball & tennis.
Cardio:
Stairmaster~ Get two kids in the pool, get two kids out of the pool. Two in, two out. Two upstairs to get dressed. Two down. Two up to use the bathroom. Two down. You get the picture. You parents, really get the picture!
Sprints~ Full out races across both the pool & the grass.
Cool down~ Golf, clean up & evading the super soaker.

Who needs a personal trainer? Rent some kids. I am sure you will find friends that will give you a discount on theirs for a few hours.

In any case, I was wiped. I did take a short bike ride, but not too much else today. I did purchase my running shoes though & intend on starting the program tomorrow, in about five hours from now actually. The trip to the shoe outlet was pretty comical. Maybe I'll talk about that tomorrow.

Just to recap: two recommended podcasts:

triathlonradio.com
steverunner.com

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

April

2006-08-18T15:46:00.000-04:00

This is me & my helmet (:-P) after a nice downhill nearing the end of the bike course of the Dash & Bash Triathlon 2006 in Devens, MA. The volunteers were awesome. I came in about an hour after the finisher before me. I figured everyone would have gone home & I didn't blame them. Instead I was greeted by some amazing, enthusiastic, heartwarming people. Three of whom actually walked the run portion of the triathlon with me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Photo Courtesy of sportography.com

Day One

2006-08-18T15:37:00.000-04:00

Welcome all. On this blog I plan to chronicle my training & races as I set out one step at a time to eventually achieve my goal of completing an Ironman. My hope at this time is to let others know that they don't have to wait until they look like a pro athlete to get out there and do what they have always yearned to do. Get out there & tri! For me triathlon has been a wonderful sport with which to become involved. You will have your own desires and goals. For those of you who have ever been interested in triathlon though, I do have to say that you could not hope for a better, more supportive community of athletes. At 5'2" 300 pounds just getting to the starting line in a bathing suit without running and hiding felt like an accomplishment. Sometimes I felt like I would need to put the blinders on, remembering old high school comments etc, some of that fear creeping in...."What are these real athletes going to think, say? Do I really have a right to be here?" "YES I DO!" We all do. I pushed the fears aside. Instead I heard the cheers, the encouragement, the love. That's what it's all about. Stay with me here. Help keep me on track & I'll try to do the same for you.

Blessings!

April